


The Emptiness

by KingOfHearts709



Category: depression - Fandom
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Read at Your Own Risk, Stuff, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, i just found it, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 14:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5131358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingOfHearts709/pseuds/KingOfHearts709
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's always there...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Emptiness

**Author's Note:**

> I just found this in my Drive. I don't even remember writing it, but here it is. Suicide and other stuff is implied. Read at your own risk. xoxo

You don't know when it will happen, but you always have a feeling it will.  
You'll go outside with a plastic face mask with a smile on it, and sometimes you think that you should take it off, but you remember the questions people will ask and the things they'll stare at.  
You'll sit with your friends with long sleeves, keeping your fingers on them so they don't ride up, and sometimes you think you should just let the scars show, but then you'll know they'll call for help and give you unwanted assurance.  
You'll lie down in bed with a knife or you'll sit on the roof looking down or you'll stare at the mirror in the bathroom with the bottle of pills, and you'll think, "One swift move and it'll be over with. I won't have to think about doing it again."  
You don't stop to think anymore before you pierce the skin or slide off the roof or swallow the pills. You don't want to think about what will happen to the people who find you or the people who know you. You just want the rest, you want the emptiness to be filled with blood or cracked bones or suffocation.  
You think it's the only way.  
You started out with the medication, but whenever you didn't take it, you just stopped. You felt your stomach twist and turn because there's nothing in it and your head hurts because you're crying and you don't even feel the tears running down your pale cheeks and you look at the knife or the roof or the pills and you know it's what you want.  
You don't care anymore.  
It has to end.  
And you know it will end here.  
But only for you.  
Everyone else has the privilege of feeling the emptiness you left behind in your body, the nausea and the headache.  
Everyone thinks that it was just because you were sad.  
Everyone thinks that it was because you hated everything.  
But all you hated was the nothingness.  
And they won't understand that because now you're not there to tell them. You can't tell them once it's over why you did it. No one can be sure. Not unless someone could reform you into who you were and let you tell us.  
You can't. You're not sure if you want to.  
So you fall again, and you never get up after that. You just get to go down or you get to burn. You're put under dirt or into a jar. You're still there. But not for anything but memory.


End file.
